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An honest reflection

Woman hiding under covers

The truth is, I don’t have the mental capacity to write a stellar email today but I wanted to connect with you, so here’s the truth. And I’m sharing so that if you’re feeling anything close to what I’m feeling then at least you’ll know that you’re not alone. 

The truth is—

  • I’m tired and a lot of days I just don’t wanna do the things.
  • I’m waking up in the middle of the night (oh high elevated levels of cortisol, I see you) thinking about the school situation and how to keep my family safe. 
  • I’ve worked at half capacity for the last two months because it’s just too taxing to toggle between motherhood and CEO life and maintain any bit of integrity as a wellness practitioner. It’s infuriating. And overwhelming. 

AND yet opportunities and invitations are still being extended for me to share my life’s work. I am so grateful!

Throughout it all, the relocations, the Pandemic, the economic woes, I’ve chosen to give myself Grace. I am not beating myself up. Every morning I write in my Gratitude Journal.  What I want to do is hide under the covers of my bed and curl into the protective arms of my loving husband. But he’s already started his day and made his “commute” to the other bedroom for his work.

He’s loving this at-home order!

I climb out of bed and open my journal. Take a few breaths to help me open to introspection and reflection and reframe my mental mindset to find the love and the beauty and the gratitude. Yes, some days are hard, for sure.

I write three things. Today I wrote:

1. I am grateful for my health

2. I am grateful for a quiet morning

3. I am grateful that I can begin again.

I am doing #LoveinAction as often as I can. I am practicing the things I know to be loving, kind and compassionate. I’m practicing self-care in new and reliable ways. I am taking my own advice, it’s the advice I would give you– I would tell you to look at the season you’re in and look at your track record and to give yourself Grace.

This season is ‘out of this world’ in the sense that who would have ever thought… who would have ever thought that any of us would have to face this, in this way, for this long? I’m not just talking about the pandemic–

The world feels volatile right now. It’s hard not to feel it. And yet the temptation to defend and armor up is strong. It’s self-preservation. We’ll likely all have some form of PTSD that we’ll need to work through. So instead of beating myself up, I’m being extra kind. Besides I’ve been down the self-beating path before. It didn’t work.

I’m looking at my past, my track record, my values as a person and comparing them to my current situation. So when I drop a ball or do something out of character, I can say to myself, “It’s ok. You are not a lazy/bad/mean/inconsiderate person. You are going through something that is hard, you messed up and you’re doing the best you can.”

It’s my ‘COVID best’ and that is good enough for right now.

It’s been a long 6 months with no real end in sight…

So catch yourself the next time your self-talk is mean-spirited or unkind and give yourself a break, ok?

You are doing your ‘COVID best’.

With love and a deep well of gratitude,

May you breathe deeply, move freely, labor lovingly and live vibrantly. May you be well.